Millennium Theater
by Ookami-nokami
Summary: A (hopefully) series of strange stories that could only by written after a heavy influence of strange subjects, each story representing another classic style. We start with the standard murder-mystery! (Rated for comedic violence, comidic death, crude hum


"Thank you for having us, Pegasus." Yugi bowed politely.

"Think nothing of it, Yugi-boy." The eccentric owner of Industrial Illusions laughed. "I thought it would be a nice idea for the former and present owners of the Millennium items to come and enjoy a nice, long weekend in the mountains…"

Yugi just stared. "Wait… Everyone? Including the Ishtars and Bakura?"

"…And Kaiba-boy…" Pegasus added.

"You do know that you're asking for us to be killed, right?"

"Don't be silly Yugi-boy…" Pegasus ticked. "Nothing will go wrong…" He stopped to hear the sound of the frond door opening to show Ryou. "Ah, Bakura-boy. It's nice to see you."

"I still don't understand why you invited me…" Ryou questioned. "My yami did rip your eye out…"

"That's quite alright, Bakura-boy… I can't expect your yami to be nice all the time…" Soon the remainder of the crew came and Pegasus brought them to the dinner table. "A toast! To our fortunes!"

"Whatever…" Kaiba muttered as they raised their glasses.

"So, I don't believe I've actually had the pleasures of really meeting you, Mari…" Pegasus slumped over as Ishizu screamed and Yugi checked on him.

"What's wrong?" Ryou asked.

"…He's dead…" Yami took over and tasted the creator of Duel Monsters' drink. "Yep… It's poisoned."

Ryou shifted to Yami Bakura to help on the investigation (and poor Ryou's mind is in a bad enough state with all the crap his yami's done…) "…You just drank poison…"

"That's okay…" The Pharaoh laughed. "I've been inured to poisons since birth."

Isizu brought him down. "You have, Yugi hasn't." On cue, the poison took effect and he dropped to the floor.

Bakura immediately fell in tears. "No!!! The Pharaoh's dead! And just as I swore my never-ending loyalty!" He bent down sobbing… And helping himself to the puzzle, eye, necklace, the god cards, all the good cards in his deck actually… "This is terrible! And Lord Pegasus! How can we go on?" He bent over again and took all the toon cards. He then stood up, unzipped his pants and started to relieve himself on the host.

"Okay… I'd almost understand taking their possessions so that they don't fall into wrong hands, even though that includes yours…" Ishizu glared. "But why are you defiling Pegasus' body?"

Bakura smiled. "That's easy! Toon Summoned Skull!"

"You're right!" Marik called. "Move over!"

"Marik! Bakura!" Ishizu called. "We should worry less about what cards have been made and more on the fact that there's a murderer afoot!"

Kaiba stood up. "We'll do this in the easiest fashion. Shadi, Ishizu, and myself shall form one group. While Marik, Bakura, and Yugi who's spirit should still be in the puzzle, will form the other."

Being the best idea at the moment, they took Kaiba's idea. "So, Mr. Kaiba, what are we going to do now?"

"Not a clue, I just wanted to get away from those two freaks." The entrepreneur smiled.

"Seto Kaiba!" Ishizu yelled. "That's absolutely terrible! With those two, if there's a serious threat, those two would be doomed. What if the murderer finds them and doesn't challenge them to a duel?"

"…Not as long as 4KIDS is doing the dubbing…"

"But what about the uncensored version?"

"That's okay, as long as they pump out support cards for the Blue-Eyes White Dragon, I'll be around!"

"…Where did Shadi go?"

A cry came from another hall. "Ahh! Even Shadi! This is horrible!" Sounds of gold clinking and robes shifting followed.

"There, now Shadi's dead. Now what?"

"Well then." Kaiba thought. "Times like this call for a true hero… It calls for…" He jumped into a closet and emerged wearing a silver helmet with false red hair coming out of the back. "…KAIBAMAN! The savior of the dragons!"

"Seto… You're hopeless…"

"Not Seto, fair damsel, but Kaibaman!" He sounded. "Let us go!" He ran off.

"Maybe Shadi, Pegasus, and Pharaoh are lucky…"

On the other side of the house, Marik had fallen and Bakura was 'mourning.' "Sniff I guess Marik won't need his rod…"

Guess who's back! Marik had gone yami and was grasping the tomb robber by the throat. "Give… the rod… back."

"Okay, okay… Just let me go!" Marik loosened his grip as Bakura hit the floor.

"Now that we agree… We'll move on. There's one last room."

The two groups met at the door and the two yamis finally met the 'superhero.' "Halt knaves! Mocking the great Kaibaman will not be tolerated!" Without another word, they entered the room to see Duel Monsters statues filling it.

"Hello?" Ishizu called.

"Come out! Bakura called.

"We won't hurt you!" Marik followed. "…Much!"

"Stand back! This is a job for Kaibaman!" The hero stepped forward. "The murderer is in the Pot of Greed!" He reached into the green vase and produced, of all things, a Dark Magician Girl. Not the card, the actual Duel Monster.

"Please…" The Spellcaster pleaded. "Don't tell master that I'm here… I'm supposed to be cleaning the main hall." She disappeared into the pot again, leaving the group blinking in confusion.

Marik caught something in the corner of his eye and whipped out his rod. "Stop right there!" Using the power of the rod, he drew the target closer. "Who are you!" A face-down card appeared. "You're going to be difficult, aren't you?" Marik pulled out a spell card. "I cast Swords of Revealing Light!" The card flipped to show Tea with a sheepish expression… and the Pyramid of light.

"Err… Umm… Hi!" She stuttered.

"Tea?" Bakura's hair spiked even more as Yugi took over. "Did you kill Pegasus?"

"No…" Tea started as she felt a few icy glares, "Yes… But it was only because people always use me for character deaths!"

"Tea… Yami's dead now… And now I am in the puzzle." The youth grumbled.

"Yami's…" Tea broke down. "I only meant for Pegasus to die! Nobody cares about him! I didn't want anyone else to die!"

"Then what about Shadi?" Ishizu asked.

"What?"

"He died in the main hall." Silence was followed by a muffled 'sorry' from the Pot of Greed. Ishizu walked over and peered down at the magician. "What did you need to clean up?"

"…Knives…" The DMG squeaked.

"How many?"

"A thousand…"

"Well… That answers that question… But what about Master Yugi?"

"Well..." Tea thought, "Since this is my fault… Why don't I hold onto the puzzle?"

"But…" Bakura shifted and whined. "I need it to rule the world…" After a glare from the Egyptian, he relinquished it.

"Yay! Lord Anubis, I have someone for you to meet!" A muffled, metallic scream was heard.

The gang walked out with a feeling of accomplishment as a Dark Magician walked to them. "Have you seen a girl with long blonde hair and a magician's dress?"

"In there, a couple cards down." Ishizu pointed.

"Thanks."

"And so, another day is saved…" Kaiba announced. "All thanks to… Kaibaman!"

"You sure we can't have another character death?"


End file.
